Last Updated: Right after Earl accidentally accepted ALL cookies and broke the browser.
1. What in Tarnation is a Cookie?
A “cookie” is a tiny text file that sits on your device like a raccoon on your porch — harmless most of the time, but always pokin’ around tryin’ to remember things.
On TVOTT Hillbilly News, we use cookies to keep the site runnin’ smooth, improve your experience, and make sure the site doesn’t fall apart like Earl’s truck engine.
2. The Types of Cookies We Use
✔ Essential / Required Cookies
These are the biscuits that make the whole meal work. They help with:
- Keeping you logged in (if we ever add accounts)
- Loading pages properly
- Security and firewall checks
Without these, the site would collapse faster than a tent in a hailstorm.
✔ Performance Cookies
These tell us how folks use the site — what pages they visit, how fast the pages load, and whether the server slipped on a banana peel.
These help us fix glitches and improve the site.
✔ Analytics Cookies
We use tools (like Google Analytics or others) to understand:
- Where visitors come from
- Which stories folks read the most
- What devices y’all use (phone, computer, tractor GPS, etc.)
All analytics info is anonymous — we don’t track your name, address, or what you had for breakfast.
✔ Hillbilly-Approved Third-Party Cookies
Some pages may embed:
- Social media buttons
- Video players
- Ads (if activated)
These outside companies may drop their own cookies, kinda like guests bringin’ side dishes to a potluck. We don’t control their recipes.
3. Why We Use Cookies
We use cookies to:
- Keep the site runnin’ smooth
- Remember your preferences
- Measure site performance
- Fix issues and improve usability
- Keep track of popular articles and trends
4. What We Do NOT Track
TVOTT Hillbilly News does not track:
- Your name
- Your address
- Your phone number
- Your social security number (Lord no)
- Your browsing history outside our site
- Your private messages
We ain’t the government. We ain’t Big Tech. We’re just hillbillies tryin’ to run a news site.
5. Managing & Turning Off Cookies
You can turn cookies off anytime through your browser settings. That means:
- No cookies saved
- No tracking
- No remembering preferences
But fair warnin’: If you block everything, the website might behave weirder than Earl after midnight moonshine.
6. “Do Not Track” Signals
Some browsers send a “Do Not Track” request. We try to respect it, but not all third-party services recognize it. Either way, we do not personally track individual users.
7. Changes to This Policy
If we update the Cookie Policy, we’ll refresh the date at the top — kind of like changin’ the expiration sticker on leftover chili.
8. Contact Us
Got questions about cookies, tracking, or somethin’ actin’ squirrelly on the site?
You can holler at us anytime:
Contact TVOTT Hillbilly News